If Bloggers Made the Rules

Blogging, like email and instant-messaging, is revolutionizing the English language. I'm subscribed to nearly a hundred blogs and I've noticed some strong writing styles surfacing. If the "writing" principles of blogging ever became the rules, then expect the following:

1. Punctuation is never required. But when punctuation is used, such as exclamation points and question marks, use as many as your finger type.
2. Capitalization should only be used when an entire sentence can be written in it.
3. Forget privacy. The whole world can be trusted, so tell them everything about your personal life, your family, and your friends.
4. All blog posts should be preceded with multiple announcements of itself. This ensures that all of those people who are subscribed to your blog and receive an email everytime you update will be reminded to check their email again later.
5. Who needs paragraphs? Those extra line breaks just make blogs seem boring.
6. Blogging is just a giant game of tag. At least three posts a week should be solely for the purpose of extracting personal information from others in the form of tagging them.
7. Use pink text on a white background. It's pretty. But if you're a guy, use dark gray text on a black background. That's cool. If neither of these fit your style, stick with bright colors like yellow.
8. Pictures! Lots of pictures! A good blog will average ten to twenty pictures per post. Make sure that these pictures are really big so that everyone can see all of the detail.
9. Don't really currently read, watch, or listen to anything. Just select random, popular products to promote in your blog. Never say anything about these products and assume that your readers know why you are promoting it.
10. Typing out full words and ensuring proper spelling is so old-fashioned. Abbreviate as much as possible and use numbers and symbols because it's really cool.

To be continued …